Who am I?
I like so many struggled over the years to 'find myself', such a cliche I know but how many of us feel this way? As far back as I can remember I always felt like I was striving for better, needing to do better, have better, feel better...... Like I was a failure in so many ways. I am here now to let you in on a secret, its a trap! seriously a trap! This constant push forward, the sense of now not being enough.
I became a social worker in my 30's, I struggled with learning from a young age, never really 'fit' at school, the usual 'If Alison applied herself, talked less' were constant descriptions of me by teachers. I left school without finishing & spent years feeling like I wasn't 'smart', fighting against myself & further entrenching the labels given to me in school.
Even when I finally made it to university it was an accident, I kind of fell into it after being gently pushed along by the universe & then lecturers. During uni i became a single parent & then the purpose of the degree was job security, safety, a plan, even this wasn't conscious or intentional in a way that I felt I was in control, I had a daughter to feed, a roof to keep over our heads & bills to pay. 1+1=2 forward momentum, the push.
Somewhere along the way I started making decisions with more than the bills to pay as a driving force. If I track this back it was during my emerging social work years, when I was surrounded by outstanding practitioners, strong, intelligent women who empowered others as a deliberate act. I was so fortunate to land in their supportive environment when I did. I was ready to embrace all of the things I was uncomfortable acknowledging.
Over the next 5 years I steadily learned to embrace my intelligence, unpacking the labels & the weight of these slowly but surely. learning about imposter syndrome & trusting my practice, being vulnerable, open to learning, accepting challenges & being brave.
These traits I was picking up from this workspace bled into the other facets of my life. When we begin to not only accept but fiercely love who we are & trust that this is enough its remarkable the things that change, the opportunities & relationships that grow. I made more intentional choices about who I spent time with, about who I dated, about how I parented & connected with my daughter. Those of you who also single parent will know how difficult it is to be brave & trust your ability to raise this little person by yourself, particularly in the face of social constructs judgement, mum guilt & sometimes an unsupportive co-parent. I started making conscious decisions about my future, my career (which was a word I had NEVER used before, only ever 'job'), financial security & a myriad of other things that had real long term as well as immediate benefits.
I could do all of this because I felt strong, I felt I was safe, I could look at the life I had & those I was being mentored by & trust that I made good decisions. That in the event I made mistakes I would be ok, in fact mistakes didn't even scare me anymore.
I have now had almost a decade to reflect, ponder & unpack just how this happened, How I became as confident & competent as I am, how I got here. Even in the face of sadness, anxiety, stress, loss and all manner of challenges I rise. It feels like another cliche or a quote you might see on instagram but I do! I also embrace that I help others to rise, to embrace themselves, to be brave, to be vulnerable, to be conscious as much as they can.
Consciousness is in all things big & teeny. It takes practice, a LOT of practice to retrain your brain from that survival forward motion and toward a slower, intentional, 'now'. to recognise when things are not serving you, this may be last nights pizza or it may be your current partner or job?
We must 'digest' all things, conversations, media, food, surroundings, noise, everything so are these things serving you? do you recognise when the bird outside your window creeps into your brain & makes you snap at your partner because your bucket of tolerance today is full & overflowing? We are so busy, so constantly moving forward that we don't even know when we have smashed that tolerance window.
I look back at parts of my life now & I can see so clearly this over-processing/digesting of the wrong things unintentionally led me to feelings of insecurity, toxic relationships, anxiety, physical illness & settling for less than. From this place of consciousness and calm I am able to process my life in a much safer and more purposeful way. and this all started with feeling like I mattered, with me embracing my strengths & feeling safe enough to be vulnerable & be mentored.
What a gift clarity & consciousness are. I would love to share this gift in any way I can which is what brought me here. This clarity has enabled me to extend myself & lean into spiritual practice (which was always embarrassing or treated like it meant less than academic knowledge), to gain knowledge & credentials in Yoga, meditation, positive psychology, lifecourse & end of life practices. I have rituals & daily, weekly, monthly practices that keep me grounded, help me to be a stable & safe, reliable human in the lives of others. I share these openly & honestly now & do not keep my academic & spiritual lives separate. How can I when they are so intrinsically linked?
I have learned that sharing myself is integral to helping others, to supporting another persons growth & their ability to come back to themselves.
The women who have shared with me over the years have taught me this, creating an environment where we feel safe to explore who we are, where we feel like we can be whoever we want & be accepted & embraced is my ultimate goal & the offerings on this page reflect this. The free group engagement, the community classes, the consultation options, the evidence based services and the holistic approach all link with who & what I am as a human & as a practitioner.
Thanks for finding me, taking the time to read about me & I welcome chat in the forums, feedback & questions so please feel free to get in touch.